GamerMommy & Geekboy dishes tips at Parenting magazine on opening lines of communication through gaming together:
This is a tough one -- especially for parents with a natural gift of gab, like Mary MacRae Warren of Brooklyn. She has no problem saying what she feels, but her son? No amount of pushing can get 10-year-old Azar Shrestha to open up when he doesn't want to. So Warren changed tactics.
"My dirty little secret is that I started playing video games, watching cartoons, reading comics -- things my son likes," says Warren. "Every now and then when we're talking about these things, I can slip in something else." Sneaky? Perhaps, but also loving, because you're finding common ground with your child, says Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. You can also try to notice other times your quiet child seems receptive to conversation. "Boys, particularly, seem to open up a bit more when they're sitting beside you rather than face-to-face. So keep your ears open when you're alone with him on a car ride or working on a project together at the kitchen table," says Zelinger.
Just remember to let your child start the conversation -- and then to listen without judging or jumping right in to offer advice. Even if your child complains about friends or school, don't dismiss what he's saying or try to talk him out of what he's feeling. "That's the fastest way to get him to clam up again," says Faber. "Instead, nod to let him know you're actively listening, or say something neutral like 'Oh, that's what's bothering you.' Or 'Sounds as if that could be pretty upsetting.' The idea is to let him know that you really do get what he's trying to tell you."
