it ain't easy being saucytart

If This is Love, No Thanks

Yesterday Saucytart got the answer she'd been asking for.  No it wasn't the one she wanted, although it was the one she expected.

Once she climbed out of the Black Hole, she realized that she'd finally goaded her former friend, and she slings that term about lightly,  into confrontation.  Did she get any satisfaction? Nope.  But she did get closure.

She finally tired of the passive aggressive behavior, the aloof superiority and condescension, all the earmarks of a person whose bloated ego is as fragile as that of the most insecure individual. 

Saucytart looks at her own participation in this sad little melodrama and wonders to herself: why.  What did she get from all of this?

It seems very clear to her now that she sought approval from someone whose behavior echoed the unattainability and distance of her father.  What a thankless exercise. But, what an empowering revelation!

Saucytart has struggled to understand the limitations of her father's ability and capacity to love. She has duplicated this relationship many, many times over the course of her adult life.  Always attempting to please and to ingratiate herself with people who are also incapable of expressing love. 

Now, she finally feels free.

All Good Things

Nothing lasts forever.  There is a time for every season.  And so it goes with spring break.  Saucytart and Snudge leave the beautiful wide and empty beach today to return to the bustle of big city life. 

It's been wonderful to be away and to have such vast personal space. Saucytart is almost reluctant to go home.  But home she must hither. 

Bye beautiful ocean.

It's Earth Day

And Saucytart's "birf-day" so be nice to mother nature and a saucy-Mom.

Snudge and Saucytart are on vacation.  They are at a friend's condo at Ocean City, Md.  The beach and the boardwalk are very different before the onslaught of the summer crowd.  It's been overcast and drizzly, but being out of the city is the best.

Last night, after a day of junk food on the road, they had shrimp cocktails for supper.  Salad and shrimp (and a Cosmo for the "birf-day" girl) That's it.  Yummy. 

Today they're walking on the beach, playing some miniature golf, reading.  You know, lazy days.

Happy, happy. joy, joy.

a garden grows in brooklyn

The latest balmy burst has Saucytart yearning to dig in the dirt (after she gets back from dipping her toes in the l'il ocean). 

She and Snudge have a couple of plots in a city garden by their old hood.  Last year they grew tomatoes, eggplant, peppers and more.  It was amazing. 

But Saucytart likes keeping her digs green too.  So when she ran across these nifty balcony plant containers, she got very excited until she realized she'd have to climb through her window onto the fire escape to use it -- not that there's anything wrong with that. 

                                                                                              

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Then while she was dreaming dreams of all things green and bountiful, she ran across the topsy-turvy tomato   planter. A steal at $12.99, it's a space-saving gem, and the realization of every fire escape gardener's fondest fantasy -- a hanging basket full of plump, juicy beefstakes! 

Ocean City is the Place to Be

Ocean City is the place to be
Beach living is the life for me
Wave spreading out,
so far and wide
Keep Manhattan,
just give me that seaside.

(with apologies to Green Acres)

Saucytart and Snudge are going on Spring Break.  We'll have sand in our shoes and salt-air in our hair, and we will be very, very happy.  We are thrilled to be spending the week at a friend's condo in Ocean City, Md.

Hopefully we'll get over to Assateague to the national park (right next to the fabled Chincoteague of Misty and Phantom fame). Last time we were there the wild ponies trotted right up to the cars. 

We love Lazy Susan's Hot Fat Crabs for fresh seafood and Saucytart is sure there is an R in this month, which means OYSTERS. She's been told Liquid Assets is tasty too. 

Guess the traveling twosome will have to rent bicycles to work off the hushpuppies and saltwater taffy.  Yay! It's a vacation.

One-Eyed Cat Takes Flight

Saucytart was strolling the avenue today with the boy-child when she came upon a poet hawking his wares.

True story.

There on Seventh Avenue, poet and activist Mitchel Cohen had set up shop on a rickety little table in front of the boarded-up former home of ZuZu's Petals.  The way cool illustration of a one-eyed yellow, leopard-spotted cat gracing the cover of his slim volume, One-Eyed Cat Takes Flight (2008) caught Snudge's eye and then she was reeled in.

Always interested in people who do the unexpected, like peddling their poetry on the streets of Park Slope, Saucytart and Snudge introduced themselves -- or rather Snudge, acting as her agent and manager, introduced Saucytart. 

His poems range from the mocking On Sartre's Punctuation, introduced with a George Walker Herbert Bush quote, "Your poems are worse than Hitler" to the beautifully sad and image-rich, Underground.

The book of poems dedicated to the late Brad Will, an independent journalist and activist murdered in Oaxaca in 2006, is published by Red Balloon Collective and sells for $14.

Cohen lives in the "People's Republic of Brooklyn," is founder of the Red Balloon Collective, and makes his living selling his poems in the subway.  This is his second collection of poems.  The first is The Permanent Carnival (2006).

Get some.

Trying to Enjoy Soy

Saucytart always expected age would creep up on her slowly, that one day she would wake up happily ensconced in later life, smugly satisfied.

Oh, no.

Instead she is entering her golden years (ahaha) with an attack of gas.

Yup, she is now officially lactose intolerant.

What this means is that instead of half and half thick enough to choke anybody's arteries in her coffee, she gets to substitute soy creamer. Blecch.

Saucytart tried to ignore the signs, but ultimately the churning stomach and constant -- well, you know -- were too much.  Still, she suffers occasionally, because who can forgo real ice cream or, heavens, a fromage-free diet.

Life really would be meaningless without the goodness of dairy.

The Last Second Chance, Really

Saucytart tries never to give up on anyone.

If she takes you into her fold, you are there until the last straw breaks the camel's back.  It takes a very long time for that stage to be reached.  But when the final straw lands with a bone-crunching thud of inconsideration on the back of the very forgiving Saucytart, you can bet your sweet behind, that she will waste no time in ridding herself of the offender.

There are limits to anyone's patience.  Like a bad marriage, a relationship or friendship can become perfunctory and without real reason to sputter and gasp along any further.  Saucytart thinks it's wonderful to give one and all the benefit of doubt and to practice acceptance and tolerance.  However, this is not the same thing as practicing being another individual's doormat.  If she finds someone wiping their feet too frequently on her good will, she's out. 

And she doesn't subscribe to the tit for tat, butter for fat relationships that seem so prevalent around these parts. Friendships and relationships are not based on what you can do for me or I can do for you. Sadly, this is what most children are learning about love and friendship -- that there are conditions which must be met before one is granted admittance to the club.

What a load, she says.  The most important lesson that we can teach our children is that there isn't a price tag on love. Freely given and freely accepted, the more you give, the more you get.  And the supply is endless.

Sticky Keyboard

Saucytart spends an inordinate amount of time thinking about sex.  In between time, she pursues its pleasures.  She is awfully fond of amateur porn. 

That said she could (and does) spend more than a minute lurking around the internet for interesting amateurs going at it.  It's rare to find professional porn that is more than mechanical moaning and picture perfect bodies listlessly boning.

No thanks.

She  prefers to see people who are less than perfect who are actually enjoying themselves.  Still, there are a lot of sad amateurs too.  People who are going through the motions, hoping the cam might spark a little life in the sack.  The truth of the matter is that, as much as we all talk about getting and giving great sex, it ain't happening. 

Saucytart has been single for more than a minute, but she certainly has not been sexless.  This is not a tolerable situation for someone who believes life is a buffet in more ways than one.  When she doesn't have a partner, she takes care of her own business and loves it.  Self-love is wonderful, inside and out of a relationship, because it keeps the fires burning and the juices flowing.

That big old grin on her face isn't from Saturday morning cartoons.

photo courtesy of  http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/breasts/beautiful-breast.jpg

Great Sex Lasts Three to 13 Minutes???

With the exception of the vastly under-rated quickie, Saucytart would like to know exactly how 3 to 13 minutes is considered an adequate amount of time for great sex.

She'd like to know which sex therapists were interviewed for the recent study released (pun intended) that suggests the "optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes."  She  wants to make sure she blacklists them if she's ever in the market for a sex therapist (ahaha, perish the thought)  The sad state of sex affairs are "to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine" and "strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life," according to the Associated Press.

Good heavens!  Foreplay is not included in the time (thank goodness for small favors) and the therapists don't think sex lasting from "1 to 2 minutes as 'too short.'"

Saucytart would love to be a fly on the wall of a few boring bedrooms.  These statistics make her daily masturbatory pursuits seem wild indeed.  She pities the parched sex lives of these folks. 

It is a sad day indeed when people can't even figure out what great sex is.  Holy cow!

photo courtesy of Come As You Are